The emotional costs of just going outside for a middle aged woman are on the rise. A trip to the store, a stroll down to pick up your kid from school, any venture outside can be a potential war zone for the self worth of a woman who dares live past 45 in western society.Why?
When I was young I never used to understand why women paid so much money for plastic surgery and fat sucking surgery and nose jobs ….insanely expensive skincare regimens that could save you from the unspeakable, getting old and losing your looks……. etc etc etc and why was age so horrible and what was the big emergency?. I didn’t see getting older as a bad thing, why did they? Why were they so insecure?? God, I mean you’re just fighting the inevitable, what’s the point? Relax…..it’s going to be alright, Of course everyone is still going to love you when you’re old, your wisdom will be treasured and your word listened to……. Boy was I wrong.
I get it now. And it’s not exactly a fun thing to get.
I believe it begins with Disney movies. Barring the most recent ones( that were done by female screenplay writers), all the villains were women past their “prime.” Driven to assail the young and beautiful that they no longer are. No history or back story provided, they were just evil because they couldn’t get laid, and that was what made them curse, enslave and ultimately murder the object of their blinding, impaling envy. Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, The Little Mermaid…..They’ve been pitting the old against the young for generations, and it’s taken hold in spades.
People are dicks to middle aged women, and the cuter they figured you were when you were young, is as much the ferocity of the not so silent revulsion of their response to your weathering. Perhaps the plastic surgery (even though it never actually makes anyone look younger) is a way to say, “Sorry, I’m getting old and I’m just as horrified at me as you clearly are at my heinous crimes upon society, by not being as easy on it’s eyes…. so I’ll spend all this time, money and sweat, I’ll no longer eat the foods I enjoy…. so I can at least show the world I’m trying….trying to adhere to your spare tyred standards ….. to earn your friendly gesture back.” But getting older with no visible signs of surgical intervention, or self imposed starvation, or evidence of logged hours into a gym…. to show that I’m at least trying to play the game???? Now you’re in dangerous waters lady…..believe it. Just a pleasant glance I might put out for the mere sake of respectful acknowledgement and remedial human decency is taken for “Please fuck me, I’m desperate and even a titted fossil like you is better than nothing”. Yep….and after you’ve lived past your fleeting beauty, you are now subject to the most overdone and dreadful indifference. By the people you’d expect it from the least. Ya, all those garbage men, 7/11 clerks, balding and paunchy, weren’t just being friendly and decent by returning your smile when you were young,( and smiling at a stranger wasn’t dangerous to your self worth…..) they wanted something . Try to get that smile back from them in your 40s and 50s is going to be a meaty pawed slap in the face.Don’t even try for it….you’ll be sorry. They will recoil in horror and pretend they didn’t see you, very loudly. It’s hard to fathom the delusion that can overcome a society .
Therefore, I have developed a technique to not put myself in this sort of harm’s way anymore( until I reach my 70s when I will again be loved….for the grandmothers are ok to smile at. None of the peer group will stand in judgement at this ). No more eye contact. That’s it, simple!! I just walk down the street and look through everything with a pleasant meek demeanor. My eyes meet nobody. It’s too dangerous out there for that. I wonder if everyone is just as scared as me and they’re thinking that I will not return a friendly glance, but rather glance down at my iphone for protection instead, leaving their friendliness unrequited and smacked down. It could be that….but I’m too beaten and bruised now, unable to” be the change. “